|
Monday, December 22, 2003 12:00AM EST POINT OF VIEW Hot times at the old North PoleDURHAM -- "We're leaving the North Pole."
Dumbstruck, Rudolph stared at me over his glowing red nose.
"The Earth's heating up too fast," I said. "In a few decades the ice will be gone, and North Pole Toys will be fish habitat."
I know it's hard to believe. Everyone thinks the ice up here is miles deep, but it isn't. Six fragile feet is all that keeps my factory from sinking like the Titanic. And now it's all melting. The ice has shrunk 40 percent in the past 30 years. Soon, some whale will come nosing up to breathe, and North Pole Toys will be finished.
"What do you mean, 'How do I know?' Even for a reindeer you're a knucklehead sometimes. I check. I've got a lot invested in this operation. The elves take ice cores every day. Other people check, too. Haven't you seen the submarines pop out of nowhere? The Navy's been watching for years."
Living at the North Pole, you'd think a little warming would be welcome. Sure, it's three or four degrees hotter here than it was 50 years ago. That's just peachy. Who doesn't like unbuttoning his parka once in a while? And just between you and me, Mrs. Claus is a little friskier in the heat. She wore one of those Inuit tank tops the other day and it was all I could do to keep on polishing the runners on my sleigh.
Still, what gets me is why people won't do something about it. They want toys at Christmas? All right, they're going to have to work with me a bit. Drive a little less. Turn off some lights. We live at the North Pole and they can't keep the thermostat at 65 in winter? There's gratitude for you.
"'What are we going to do?' Here's the plan. I'm looking into real estate in Antarctica. You can't own land down there, but you can open a research station. Everybody has one. We'll pack our things and rename the factory -- South Pole Toys.
"It'll cost millions, I know. The elves will ask if their workbenches will be upside-down. The reindeer will be heartbroken because there aren't reindeer at the South Pole. We may even have to open a restaurant for the eco-tourists. We have to adapt, you know."
Last night I told Mrs. Claus about moving -- she tossed and turned for hours. I wondered if it was the Polar Express bugging her.
"Don't worry," I said, "We'll build a new railroad. The South Polar Express will be just as good."
She shook her head. Looking me dead in the eye, she asked, "What will we do when the Antarctic ice melts?"
What could I say? "Go to sleep, dear. We'll be all right. We'll retire to a nice warm beach in Siberia."
(Rob Jackson is director of Duke University's Ecology Program in the Nicholas School and the biology department and author of the new book "The Earth Remains Forever." His first children's book, "Animal Mischief," is to be published next year.) Back to The Earth Remains Forever page |
